October 22, 2023: The Day That Almost Ended It All

About me and "Living with Borderline" Blog:

Welcome to my world - One that's been hidden beneath layers of silence for over three and a half decades. My name is Echo Solace. This isn’t my real name, but it’s the one I’ve chosen to tell my story, one that’s as raw, candid, and vivid as the life I’ve lived. This blog is my escape, a place where I can finally let out what’s been brewing inside for years, without fear of being traced back to the life I lead outside these pages.

I’m a man in my late 30s, originally from India but now a Canadian citizen. On the surface, I have what many would consider a blessed life: a supportive family, a decent career, and all the outward signs of stability. But beneath that surface lies a turbulent journey marked by shame, guilt, anger, helplessness, and isolation.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wrestled with depression, battled waves of suicidal ideation, and endured multiple suicide attempts. Each attempt was a cry for help that went unanswered until the end of 2023, when I found myself hospitalized in a psychiatric ward. It was there, under the care of a psychiatrist, that I was finally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), which resulted in Major Depressive Disorder (MDD).

That diagnosis, as life-altering as it was, felt like a strange revelation. How had I made it this far without knowing this about myself? Therapy, reading, and self-reflection have since opened my eyes to the complexities of BPD, depression, and even the autism spectrum. It’s as if I’ve been meeting myself for the first time, and the encounter is both terrifying and enlightening.

This blog is my vent, my outlet for the things I can’t share with anyone else. Here, I’ll capture my journey—past and present—as I navigate life with BPD. I’m not a mental health professional; this isn’t a guide or textbook. It’s the chronicle of someone who has been the antagonist and protagonist of his own life, a patient and a victim, a healer, vulnerable yet strong, all at the same time.

Whether you’ve been diagnosed with a personality disorder or simply feel lost in your own mind, I hope that sharing my experiences can offer some insight, or at the very least, remind you that you’re not alone.

This is my story. Welcome to Living with Borderline.